Back to school behaviour reboot
Start fresh and nip challenging behaviour in the bud
“Too often, we forget that discipline really means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioral consequences.”
– Daniel J. Siegel
September is a fresh start for students and, hopefully, a clean slate with their new, well rested teacher. However, just like our own New Year’s resolutions, this starry eyed perspective lasts about a month before everyone inevitably defaults back to their regular personality.
We cannot rely on children to want to behave for us because their priority may not be adult approval or avoiding consequences. For some, being funny, gaining status among peers or avoiding anything strenuous tops their hierarchy of psychological needs.
More on what causes behaviour here: Oh behave! The tactics of a temper tantrum
So how do we replace challenging behaviour with socially appropriate skills? First, we need to look past the emotional trauma of a tantrum to identify what might be motivating the mischief.
Figure them out
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."
- Harper Lee, "To Kill a Mockingbird"
Understanding the probable goal of a certain behaviour is essential. It allows us to view an action through the lens of the child, and make an educated guess as to what they want to achieve from it. More importantly, it views the action as a tactic, which helps remove our emotions from yet another supermarket meltdown. There are only four possible functions of a behaviour:
Attention
Our egotistical need for social validation is a powerful motivator. We see the extent that adults go to for a like or two, yet we’re baffled by a child causing a scene just to snap your attention away from TikTok. Kids crave human interaction, and some will get it by any means necessary.
Access
Children are willing to go to different lengths to acquire a desired toy. Thankfully, most kids learn that asking the current possessor of the Play-Doh nicely is usually enough, but sometimes a simple smack to the back of the head is unfortunately more effective.
Escape
If a student hasn’t learned how to communicate their loathing for literacy then they may simply run away. Children take time to learn how to tolerate aspects of life they find difficult or uncomfortable and, in the meantime, use the tools at their disposal to avoid them.
Sensory
There’s nothing like a good hum or a stretch to give us that soothing feeling. From the obvious hand flapping and chair rocking to subtle pencil tapping and shirt chewing, some behaviours provide children with satisfying sensory feedback.
Stick to the plan
Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.
Figuring out the reason behind a child’s behaviour is half the battle because then you just decide whether their chosen strategy is socially appropriate, long-term. If it’s not, we must come up with an alternative way for them to communicate their needs and teach them that skill, as we would with reading and writing
More on replacing behaviour here: Toppling a tiny tyrant. How to take back control of the house
All that’s left is applying the new plan consistently. The goal is to convince a child’s neural networks that the new system is superior to the old one, which requires everyone to buy-in to the new process and to stick to it. This doesn’t mean the plan can’t change – it's vital to tweak and adapt when things don’t work – but the more consistent the application, the easier our analyses becomes.
If you have any specific scenarios that you are struggling with, feel free to reach out either by email, substack messenger or leaving a comment below.