In one ear and out the other: why children don't listen.
Understanding how children process verbal instruction.
Reading and listening are fundamental skills that are assessed throughout early childhood. However, reading soon takes centre stage, due to more accountability in school and because gaps are easier to spot due to more consistently established assessment systems.
Listening: to hear something with thoughtful attention
Listening, on the other hand, just becomes expected by adults early on, even though the spectrum of skills in this domain is vast. One's ability to listen and follow instructions is a complex process, and deficits can be missed until such a point whereby a child's life is significantly affected. At that point, everyone demands a diagnosis to explain such mysteries, instead of comprehending that listening skills can vary.
It’s never obvious how much of what you say is actually heard by a child (or adult), never mind during a tantrum. Even hearing itself isn't listening, that's only step one. Information then needs to be processed, understood and stored in our working memory long enough to effectively act on it. Difficulties can occur at different stages of this process and a misunderstanding of this often leads to certain behaviours, wrongly interpreted as defiance, inattention or intellectual incapability.
Common misconceptions:
Didn't listen to instructions = inattentive
Listened to instructions but didn't carry out them out effectively = defiant
Listened to instructions but didn't understand them = intellectually incapable
Lagging listening latency
Auditory processing disorder, is at the extreme end of this spectrum of listening skills, but as the symptoms are hard to distinguish from ADHD and Autism, it is repeatedly overlooked.
In any case, our modern obsession with diagnosing children distracts from the fact that most children’s personalities don't fit into a nice, neat box. Focusing on and analysing the outliers, leaves a wide range of children, who don’t tick enough boxes for anything formal, left in the misunderstood middle.
Characteristics of children with listening challenges:
Struggles understanding speech, especially with background noise.
Difficulties following multistep, verbal, instructions.
Easily distracted by sudden sounds.
Finds listening for extended periods challenging.
Needs support summarising verbal information.
Misunderstandings of figurative language, jokes, idioms, and tone.
Has trouble with reading, writing, and spelling.
Social struggles due to conversational misunderstandings, which can lead to peculiar responses.
Imagine taking a phone call with poor signal in a noisy bar. Plenty of repeating yourself, filling in blanks, bluffing your level of understanding and inevitably preferring a text instead.
Even outside the classroom, listening proficiency affects whether someone prefers lyrically limited genres like electronic, dance or classical music; has a knack for remembering movie quotes; doesn’t hear a word when they’re scrolling Instagram or are one of those jukebox friends who somehow remember every word of every song ever written.
In any case, an awareness of children's personalities allows us to understand their unique perspective of the world and approach their struggles as a skill's deficit rather than something being wrong. Demonising children for their listening deficiency can result in them developing coping mechanisms like bluffing that they heard you or actively avoiding certain situations altogether, rather than honesty, which is much more useful.
However, even though there are many reasons for listening shortfalls, it’s vital to remember that these are just reasons, not excuses, as skills can always be taught. Here is how to support children with their listening proficiency.
Develop skills
Gamify listening so they are fun and build skills simultaneously. These might include:
Copying clapping or beat based sequences that get faster and faster;
Simon Says or Red light, Green light: start simple and increase challenge, adding more complex instructions as the game develops.
Sing-a-longs, like head shoulder knees and toes, depending on age.
Grandma’s house: one person states what they are bringing to grandma's house, and the next person has to add theirs and repeat all previous items.
Identify the noise games, either using YouTube or household items. Build this game up by swapping roles or including imitation of the noise.
Board games like Twister, Guess Who, Bop it and Battleships, which involve multistep instructions.
Give consistent praise and consequences to effectively reinforce listening and carrying out multistep instructions.
Develop organisational skills - modelling how to effectively use : mind-maps; notes; timetables; checklists; and planners.
Encourage problem-solving - showing children how to independently problem-solve when they miss or forget instructions, without relying on adults, is essential. Look around for written, verbal and social clues or ask a peer/sibling.
Note which sounds and words children struggle to hear properly and then practice them, first in a quiet environment, building up to realistically noisy environments.
Compensations
Ensure initial attention - without it, there is little point. Establishing eye contact, giving plenty of warning, using their name, or physically touching a shoulder can help.
Insist on quality sleep - focus and attention are significantly affected by sleep.
Assign importance to instructions - use prompts that will help focus the attention on your words, like “get ready to listen” or “this is important, are you focused?”.
Simplified instructions - include only essential words, keep it short and limited steps.
Use peers or siblings - encouraging and praising social support from classmates or family members reduces the feeling of nagging and builds collective responsibility.
Visual instructions and checklists - pictures and symbols are easier to remember.
Summarise - repeat instructions back to the instructor to support children's working memory, whilst also reinforcing the need to pay attention in the first place.
If you want to have a further discussion about this topic including any questions, concerns, or disagreements, feel free to leave a comment or message me on Substack messenger or LinkedIn.